In the first 90 days, relationships are set in stone

In the first 90 days of any new relationship, the tone is set in stone. A praxis of behavior will be established — namely, what is expected, accepted, rewarded, and penalized — using verbal and non-verbal communication. After that, it will never change.

If you start a romantic relationship with a lot of fighting in the first 90 days, you can expect it to continue. If you start a business where everyone is lazy in the first 90 days, you can expect it to continue. If you begin teaching a class where late homework isn’t punished in the first 90 days, you can expect it to continue. For this reason, it is important to set the desired tone in the first 90 days. However you want the duration of the relationship to be, live it in the first 90 days. And, if it’s veering off course from what you want, correct it aggressively.

Finally, examine your own life. What relationships are you in — right now — where the tone was established years, or maybe decades, ago? How would you live differently today if you accepted that the relationships’ tone wasn’t ever going to change?